Self Doubt

I got up early and ran today (despite not going to sleep until 1 - CURSE YOU good book!) and it was a mess. I started out strong. It might have been a neighbor passing me that did that though. I get so hyped when I see other runners – I want to run as fast as them (or pass them). She soon left me in the dust and I was all alone again. My legs started aching around mile 2, I guess because of last night’s workout. I stopped to stretched before my turn around and stopped the Garmin. I think that made it worse because the entire run home my legs felt like dead weights. Awesome! Even awesomer, I forgot to start my Garmin again (rather, I didn’t press the Start button hard enough) and ran a 1/2 a mile before I realized it. Not that anyone is checking in on my mileage or even CARES, but it was still annoying.

I’m glad I got up and ran, but to say there is a lot of self-doubt going on in mind would be an understatement. Let me whine for a minute…

I ran the Wine & Dine Half Marathon and met my goal – which was to just finish (finished in 2:26). My next goal was to finish in 2:15, which I SMASHED in St. Pete with a time of 2:05. I went into the OUC Half two weeks later just hoping to finish in 2:05 again – when I PR’d with 2:00:18. I was on a serious roll! I felt so awesome about running and my runs were getting faster.

Then the races stopped, the holidays hit, and I got sick. I really didn’t think this would sideline me as much as it did – but ever since my sinus infection I have not been able to run faster than a 9:20 pace (for more than a mile). This is SO incredibly frustrating. I pretty much need to run at a 9:00 pace if I want to PR in Melbourne and right now my mind and body is telling me that it’s not going to happen.

So here’s the deal. I am going to stop focusing on PRing and speed… and just run. I realized this morning — why am I beating myself up? So I can run like the fast people I read about on the interwebz? Running is only a competition with yourself. I’m not going for elite. I’m running for me. For fun (kinda). For fitness. For those endorphins. This isn’t to say I’m not going to TRY to run faster. I’ll still wear my Garmin and push myself if I feel like I can give more, but I’m not going to beat myself up anymore. Or at least I’m going to try not to. It’s hard when you are competitive with yourself.

In order to do this, I’ve come up with a list of quotes to keep me going. To remind myself that it’s OK to be a slower runner. That racing is not just about the time, but the experience. That bridge in Melbourne that I’m dreading? An experience. The fact that my family is going to be at the Melbourne race to cheer me on? An experience am SOOOO looking forward to!

This is what I’ve got so far — any more you want to add?

• Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt. ~ William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure, 160
• It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not. ~ unknown
• It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes. ~ Sally Field
• We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies. ~ Roderick Thorp, Rainbow Drive
• Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. ~ Dale Carnegie
• Argue for your limitations and, sure enough, they’re yours. ~ Richard Bach, Illusions
• Winners compare their achievements with their goals, while losers compare their achievements with those of other people ~Nido Qubein
• It’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do with it. ~ Anon
• If it can be imagined, it can be done. ~ Walt Disney
• Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.~ Theodore Roosevelt

Kinda on topic and completely amazing – my friend Devon sent me this link this morning. I’m not a yogini (or whatever the proper term is) but this blows my mind.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hjTgqYbC78

I didn’t know people could do this with their bodies!