Happy Friday!! I am SOOOOO ready for the weekend. I have ZERO plans, except for maybe a visit to Margarita’s Grill with Tracy 🙂
March 18th was L’s due date so two year ago around this time I looked like this…
And man, did I have people asking me the BEST QUESTIONS! {note sarcasm}
My good friend and cubemate Jackie is currently 37 weeks pregnant and has recently been fielding these same questions. It brings me back to place where you want to punch people and do some sumo style wrestling on people and their dumb questions/comments (with my belly, of course).
I know a gazillion people have had babies before and after me, but I think we can agree on one thing. The last month is TOUGH. Yes, it’s preparing you for the baby (sorry to break it to you — it has to come out) but man, is it a huge slap in the face. Nothing fits, the baby has huge growth spurts that nobody warns you about, and you just want to wear a big sign that says “Yes, I’m still pregnant now leave me alone” and that’s just the physical part. There’s also the mental part that starts with “Am I going in labor now?” “How ’bout now?”, then leads to googling things like “how much pineapple and sex will put me into labor” and ends with fizzled out contractions and zero sleep. There’s other stuff going on too that is just TMI — but if you’ve had a baby, you know what I’m talkin’ about.
I think think the worst part is the questions from others. And you know what? When I’m not pregnant, I’m guilty of asking some of these myself — but when you are 40 weeks pregnant (or relatively close) you just don’t want to hear it.
So today’s 5 for Friday is the Top 5 things you DON’T want to hear when you are about to pop out a baby…
1. How are you feeling? The answer I’m gonna give you is “Great” or “Good.” The answer I want to give you is about 40 minutes long and involves expletives. I KNOW you’re asking to be polite, but I’d rather you just smile and nod. We all know this pregnancy thing is happening — no need to fein interest.
2. When is your last day of work? This response depends on the career/job — but my job involves sitting at the computer for 8-9 hours a day. Not exactly strenuous. I’ve also never worked anywhere that offered millions of hours of maternity leave – so unless you are paying for my time off, I’m going to be working. Sitting at home with nothing to do? Not appealing when you think about inducing labor 24/7. At least working gives you a focus/purpose. Could I go into labor at work? Yes. Could I have a baby at work? Probably not. Labor is not instant. Yes, I know at people who have had very, very quick labors and I am green with envy. The majority of the population though? Labor is slow. It’s called labor for a reason.
3. Are you ready? Do you have a plan? Here’s the thing – you’re simultaneously 100% ready and never ever ready. The stuff is bought, the clothes are organized, the gear is put together. The baby? Is a person and not a robot. You can’t plan for him/her and you are NEVER PREPARED and the plans you make? They are always tenative. Even the birth.
4. Are you sure it’s a girl (or boy)? Peoples… When I am 40 weeks pregnant, I do not NOT want you to doubt the gender the u/s tech told me 4 and half months ago. Just go with it. I had SOOOOO many people tell me that L was going to be a boy. They were sure of it. I should have had them place bets. I would be rich. Good thing that during our 20 week u/s she wouldn’t close her legs. There was NO DOUBT she was a girl (and yes, I know I am in trouble). If you have the urge to ask someone if they are sure (and they know) then just SHUT YOUR MOUTH. We don’t want to hear it. Even though we know — it still plants a tiny seed of doubt in our mind, which leads to nights of insomnia. So, thanks for that.
5. You look like you’re about to pop – OK, not a question, but FOR REALZ?? You are going to tell someone who has been carrying a living being in her uterus, swishing every single organ in her body for roughly 40 weeks that she looks like a balloon that about to pop? What the hell is wrong with you? Tell her she looks amazing. She feels fat, big, round, puffy and she can’t see anything past her boobs (not even her feet). You should be happy that she is wearing clothes and is pretending to smile at you. If there is such a thing as “old man strength”, I’m pretty sure there is such a thing as pregnancy strength so you better start running dude, or you’re gonna get your ass kicked.
My honorable mention goes to the question “No baby?” which frequently occurred via IM (at work) when I would log on. I was generally nice, but was tempted several times to say — “Oh no, the baby is here, I just decided to log in and do some work.” Use your brain!
Bottom line – pregnant women are not dumb, nor have we lost any brain cells — but apparently it makes others dumb. Get with the program and please for the LOVE do not touch our bellies.
What’s your favorite question to ask pregnant women? If you’ve been pregnant/are pregnant what the rudest question someone asked you?
Happy weekend 🙂
Wow, so guilty of some of those and I was prego myself at the time, although, I was a first-timer and you were due first. Now that I’m going through it again (just finishing up month 4) I haven’t had many questions yet. However, my mom last weekend. I was telling her how excited I was to be still wearing pre-preg clothing and she said, “well you are only 3 months.” I had to explain I was finishing month 4 and that it was a feat for me, considering I was in maternity at like 2 months with the first. In general for the first one, after the 4 plus months of miserable morning sickness, I glowed pretty well and enjoyed being prego. That and the fact that I was induced a week and half early meant that I didn’t get too many of those questions. We’ll see how it goes this time around….
Oh you SO know this is a topic near and dear to this long-gestator’s heart!! I’ve luckily avoided #2 because of a) bedrest, b) Christmas, and c) SAH. But all the others, yeah. You forgot “Are you sure there’s only one in there?”–that’s the OMG-ness my belly size inspires 😉 And of course, “Wow, (s)he’s going to be HUGE!” Thanks. And finally, “WHY has your doctor “let you go” this long?!???!” I promise, I am NOT a freak because my babies bake past some average date.
Though I will admit it is fun to answer the “When are you due?” question with something sassy a la “Three days ago”!
I actually thought of you while I wrote this. I know you have SOOOO been there! At least with #3 you finally went into labor on your own. That gives me hope!
Oh yeah — answering “When are due?” with “XX days ago” was the best (and possibly the only) part of being overdue. The reaction was always hilarious.
Great post. I have never been pregnant before, but I can imagine that when I am I will be too cranky in the last month to have much patience for stupid questions. 🙂
I am pregnant with my first, live in Texas, and am due at the end of July. I am already super excited about being told how hot I will be – as if everyone else isn’t going to be hot too.
Right now I’m not really showing, but I am also not looking forward to people touching me. It creeps me out.
Congrats on your pregnancy! My first is a July baby and yes, it’s hot, but there’s air conditioning 🙂 I didn’t have many people touching my belly the first time, but I swear the 2nd one it was like my belly was a free-for-all. It was only weird when it was someone I didn’t know, but it’s definitely not my favorite part of pregnancy.
Would asking “Are you sure there is only one in there” be considered a good question?
As the father of my children, I don’t think so 🙂
Haha! You know I can SO relate to this!
OMG. #5 is so rude! I would be “Yes I am. I’m about to pop you in the mouth.” I had a friend that would always get asked how the baby was, and she would always reply, “Still cookin’.” I thought that was cute.
When someone is pregnant, I usually don’t ask any questions because I’m not sure what’s offending or what isn’t. Usually I pretend they aren’t pregnant. I think that started when someone asked a friend when she was due when she wasn’t pregnant. You never know, so I stay quiet!
And check out Dan all commenting! I’m so proud. 🙂
LOL about asking a friend when she was due and she wasn’t pregnant. I try not to talk pregnancy (or ask questions) with a woman unless I know for sure she is pregnant — it’s a sensitive topic.
And yes, people (particularly men) like to say “You look like you’re gonna pop.” Klassy right? I want to ask them if they plan on pushing out their baby any time soon. Oh, it’s just a pot belly??? Then shut your mouth!!
I didn’t even have to pay Dan to comment 🙂
And PLEASE don’t say ‘the baby will come when he’s ready’. ESPECIALLY if you are one who had planned c sections yourself! Makes for one cranky pregnant woman!
My favorite was, “Do you have a name picked out?” And my answer was that we were pretty sure about the last name but would tell them the baby’s name when we told everyone else…
My first was born in July and my second was born in January. And even with the difference in weather, week 40 was miserable with both. But worth all of the agony!