Ahem…serious post ahead…
I saw this blog topic on twitter a few days ago and only one moment came to mind. Sure, parenthood isn’t easy. There are many ups and downs. There is a loss of patience…frequently. There moments that I have dreaded (trying to explain death to a four year, for one) and there stretches of time that I don’t look forward to repeating (hello potty training!). But the hardest times for me are when I see my child sick and my child in pain.
Roughly 2 years ago, when Livie was 3 weeks old, she woke up in the middle of the night with a fever. It wasn’t a very high fever (at first), but there was something very off about her. She was VERY irritable. She was warm to my touch. Call it mom gut, but I knew something was wrong.
We called the Dr. as soon as possible and after dropping B off at preschool we rushed to see the Dr. (they are amazing and have walk-in hours). When we got there her temperature was 102.1, which is VERY high for a newborn. Because nobody else was sick, her Dr. sent us immediately to the ER. He was very grave about the situation. He prepped me for what was about to happen, but mentally I was not registering it. I really had hopes that the situation was being over exaggerated.
When we got to the hospital the Drs and nurses wasted no time. Our sweet little girl needed to have a spinal tap and we had just sit there and watch. What was even WORSE was that the first sample the Dr took ended up having blood in it — so they had to do it AGAIN. I’m not quite sure how I survived that moment. I would give anything to be sitting there in her place. It took ever fiber of my being just to sit in the chair and watch – as she screamed. I mentally held her hand. Kept telling her it was going to be OK. She was only 3 weeks old, but she had been part of me for more than 9 months. Watching this physically hurt.
In the end, L ended up testing positive for Late Onset Group-B Strep (GBS). This is something they test the mother for late in pregnancy (I tested positive for it) that doesn’t affect the mother, but can get into the baby’s bloodstream causing a bacterial blood infection. It is very rare for babies to have a late onset infection. According the Dr., about 80% of the time it is not caught and turns into spinal meningitis (which is why they do the spinal tap). Thankfully, in L’s case we caught it IN TIME. She did have to stay in the hospital for 10 days for many rounds of antibiotics (through an IV). I stayed with her the entire time – only leaving to shower and use the rest room (the hospital food was surprisingly good!).
It was a challenging 10 days (but also some wonderful ones, I got my first REAL smile from here there), but honestly NOTHING could ever compare to that moment. A moment that defined me as a mother, that made me realize that I could not protect my children as much I wanted to. A moment that exposed my vulnerabilities, and simultaneously gave me faith. A moment that made me both hate and appreciate modern medicine.
I am very, very, very thankful that is the biggest medical scare my children have had. Not everyone is so blessed. Honestly, my hardest moment is NOTHING compared to some of my friends and famil and I am so thankful for that. I am also thankful that her Dr took me seriously when I said something is very wrong. Most of all, I am thankful that Livie is a happy, healthy, and boisterous 2-year old and that she will NEVER remember going through this experience. However, I would do it again in heartbeat if it meant that my daughter could live a healthy and happy life!
Even if you don’t answer in the comments, here’s something to think about this weekend. What has been YOUR hardest moment — either as a parent, or an athlete, or a daughter/son/sibling/spouse? Would you live through it again? Was has it meant to you?
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Yes, our trips to the ER and hospital stays were the worse. C also had a fever prior to 3 months and they had to do the spinal tap and IV. Terrible experience. But glad we did it and that she got the antibiotics. Though we don’t know what it was, she had elevated white-blood cell count, so something was up. Watching a newborn go through the LP (lumbar puncture) is the most heart wrenching scene I’ve ever witnessed. It almost made me physically sick. I too, am glad that she will not remember the experience.
I remember you had to go – and I was so sad for you
I hate that you still have to go with this kinda stuff with C’s asthma — hopefully you won’t with your little guy!
Aw, this made me tear up. I didn’t realize how hard it was for you at the time, but boy do I realize now! There really is nothing worse than seeing a loved one (esp one who can’t communicate) sick and in pain.
I don’t think I even realized how traumatizing it was (for all of us) until it was over. It’s something I always re-live though and I am just SO thankful that nothing more serious happened! I do appreciate that you came to visit me at the hospital
That night was kinda fun!
I didn’t even know about this! How’s that possible? Poor Livie. But it sounds like you knew just what to do and listened to your instincts.
My hardest moments? Seeing my brother hooked up to a million tubes after his car hit a pole and flipped and seeing my mom after she was hit by a car. Made me sick to my stomach to go through. I would not want to live through either of those again.
Hmmm — it was right after you got married, so maybe you were just in the land of married bliss??
It was really weird just knowing that something was wrong. The nurses and the Dr. said to me — I can’t believe you could tell she had a fever (when I was like 100.4 at first) because usually babies are so warm it’s like an afterthought. I don’t think I’m maternal by nature, so it was just weird how it kicked in.
Ugh!! about seeing your brother and mom. It’s so wrong to see the people that took care of you unable to take care of themselves. I’m glad they are OK though!
Wow…and I thought my first trip to the ER with E was rough. Huge parenting toughness points for you! Glad everything turned out ok too!
Our first trip was Mother’s Day weekend last year. I had surprised my wife, Karyn, with Disney tickets for EPCOT’s Flower and Garden Festival as well as a two night stay at one of the resorts. E was about 8 months old and had supposedly just gotten over his third ear infection. Well he felt a little warm the morning we woke up to go to EPCOT. We took his temp and it was about 99. He had just finished his antibiotics a week ago and been fever free, so we thought maybe he was teething since he was chewing on everything and the fever was low.
It was a really hot day and we just finished walking into EPCOT from the car. Karyn needed to use the restroom, so I picked E up from stroller so he could feel the slight breeze. He felt warmer but I attributed it to being so hot out. So when Karyn got back, I suggested we get on Spaceship Earth and see if he cools down. If not, will check his temp again. We get off the ride and he still feels like he’s burning up. We forgot his thermometer in the room, so we headed to First Aid and took his temp with their under arm strips and got a reading of 104! which raised the eyebrows of the cast member working the desk, stating we needed to add another degree for accuracy…yep, 105!!! He suggested that we need to get to the ER ASAP and asked if we wanted an ambulance. I had worked at EPCOT in the past, knew the response time for an ambulance to get there and then get us to Celebration, so I opted out because I knew I could get us to the car and Celebration quicker. We ended up getting there within 10 minutes, they gave him Tylenol, he drank a good amount of milk, and we were able to finally get his temp down. We found out he still had an ear infection (tubes came a month later). Overall, the mental torture of the unknown was worse than the actual ER. I completely understand the helpless feeling and the inability to protect them. Another smack in the face to me was how out of shape I was and my poor attempt to run to the car, once we reached the exit, to get it cooled down by the time Karyn and E got there.
The hardest thing before that, was watching him have a boil treated on his behind at one month old. What made it worse was that I was one of the people holding him down while the doctor took care of it.
Ugh on the fever and poor little guy getting tubes!! Braeden gets really high fevers – scares the CRAP out of me. This just hit and sometimes he’ll have them for no reason. I guess I’d rather fight off this stuff now rather than when he gets older though!
I’m not sure I could have held either kid down! You are brave!!
Look at teeny tiny L!!!!!!
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Except not so tiny! Ha ha. She was already hitting 11.5lbs at 3 weeks old! It’s so funny to her all tall and skinny now.