{I’d like to thank Paula for this blog topic. I’m pretty sure I have blogger block}
Back in the day — before kids, before pregnancy, and even during pregnancy I had expectations. I had plans. I KNEW what I was going to do.
I.WAS.WRONG.
It started with pregnancy. I thought I was going to hate it. OK, I so I DON’T love the morning sickness I had with L (I was SO lucky the first time!) and the constant fatigue – but once I got into the 2nd trimester it really was sunshine and roses (OK – maybe not, but when I think about it was). I LOOOOOOVE pregnancy. I feel amazing, look amazing, and people are so nice.
Then reality hit. Guys, motherhood is hard.
We’ll skip labor and delivery – I was induced both times. It wasn’t horrible, but I’m bitter about the inductions.
We’ll go straight into the good stuff. Let’s start with breastfeeding.
- Pros: It worked, I could feed a small country, it gave me awesome boobs and a super metabolism
- Cons: Hurt like a bitch, takes forever/occurs way too often
I was warned it would hurt and that it would be hard – but honestly you have no idea. Totally worth it though. Every second. Well, most seconds.
Then there are hormones. True story – I am was crazy.
I cried. I lost my appetite (except for Twizzlers). And I cried some more. I thought things like, “Can we put the baby back in?” I didn’t expect it and it sucked. Thankfully, it was less severe the 2nd time around. But that – is what makes me reconsider more children.
I didn’t have full-blown post-partum depression, but I certainly feel for the women that do. It’s real, Tom Cruise. It ‘s really really real.
And to further paint the picture of how glamorous motherhood is – there’s sleep. Or the lack of. Here’s the thing you can be insane about sleep schedules. You can be lax about sleep schedules. Or you can be like me – and kinda do both.
OK, so I was completely crazy about sleep schedules with B — and you know what? He is an awesome sleeper. I was more lax with L. It’s a lot harder to be a nap enforcer when you have a 3 year old running around. Aaaand… her sleep SUCKED for a year. Take from what it what you will. One thing is for certain though — crying it out? Blows – but works.
Also, you can also sleep with the baby in your bed or not. It’s cool. Whatever works for you. Especially if it means more sleep. I’m pretty sure that kid isn’t going to be in your bed in high school – and if they are, yeah you’ve got bigger problems.
(and sleep while the baby’s sleeping? Yeah – good luck with that.)
As for food. I SWORE I was going to make my own. I was going to make sure only the best went into my kids bellies. Let me tell you – you can create the most wondrous baby food, made from the purest, organic, and healthiest grains, fruits, and veggies. And you know what? They will STILL throw the food on the floor. Sometimes the stuff you buy in a jar is easier and just as healthy. Don’t feel bad. I certainly didn’t
Discipline? Ahhh. This changes every week. I thought I would be a hardass. I thought I would tell them what’s what. But can you say no to this face????
Or this one?
{umm don’t worry – you really can, but sometimes it’s difficult!}
Ultimately – parenting is not what I expected. I learn something new every day. I am fully ready to admit that I thought I knew it all and those little people – with their smiles and their coos and their cuteness – they broke me. But you know what? I love *almost* every minute of it. I love the challenges. I love the person I’ve become because of it.
I’ve learned that there’s no right or wrong when there are good intentions. That the books don’t have all the answers – and neither do other parents. Listening to your inner voice is just as important – even if that inner voice is a little crazy.
And the absolute best part of parenthood? The part that makes your heart swell and want to have 8,000 babies? It’s when I say, “I love you.” and I hear a little voice in return…”I love you too, Mommy.” Yep. That makes it all worth it.
Lesson learned.
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Great post!! Lots of good wisdom!
Thanks
How’s the pregnancy going?
Ahhh, that brought back a lot memories. Being the oldest of 7 I had decided I did not want any children. Then I hit the big 30 and thought…well…maybe one. I am so glad I did. She was 6 weeks early, cried day and night, but like you said, makes you so happy inside when you know how much they love you too.
p.s. does not change much even when they get older. : )
Awww! I hope Katherine reads this comment
Looking forward to seeing you this weekend — sorry it didn’t work out on Sunday.
Wow. Yeah I’m pretty much like the pre-baby you. Talking all that baby smack. I have no idea what I’m talking about.
I don’t even want a baby right now I just talk the smack. LOL.
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LOL! Get it all out now. It’s fun to compare later
Like Jackie said in the comment below – I was the BEST parent before I had kids!
It’s like I always say — I was the BEST parent before I had kids. But then one day you’re faced with the decision between your child eating no dinner or eating a giant soft pretzel instead and you suddenly find yourself allowing them to have a soft pretzel just so they’ll eat something. Anything. And meanwhile, the grass-fed, cruelty-free, slow-cooked, organic dinner is just going to waste. You feel like a failure. You feel you’re the worst mother ever. Then, out of nowhere, your sweet child walks up to you and unprompted says something like, “Mommy, I love you. You’re my best friend,” and you realize you must be doing SOMETHING right. Motherhood is the most schizophrenic relationship in the world.
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YES! and I love that you say you were the best parent before you had kids. It’s so true!
What a great post! I don’t know if I want kids or not, but I have a feeling that if I do have them, it will be an education! I figure I’ll be all hardcore and whatnot, but I also know that NOTHING can prepare you for motherhood. Guess I’ll need to see if I can find the right guy first and go from there.
Hee – yes find the guy and then decide
I am also a supporter of people who don’t want to have kids. There’s no written rule that you HAVE to have them and when/if you do there are also no rules on what kind of mother you HAVE to be!
Thank you for this! I’m in pre-pregnancy mode…I’m getting mentally and physically prepared. So this is perfect timing!
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Yay! My hope is this doesn’t scare people away from having kids. It’s really changed my life in all the best ways. Just that setting rigid expectations can set you up for failure. One of my keys to balance is understanding that everything is not going to be perfect, but in the end it’s still going to work out (and sometimes laughing at the imperfections is better anyways!).
PS – I think you and Lucas will be amazing parents!
This is SO great! I’m in full on “baby fever” mode & I (and my husband) certainly have ideas about how we’re going to parent our someday children. (Mostly, we tell ourselves how we’re NOT going to raise our kids…and then point lots of fingers…sad but true.) It’s so refreshing to see such honesty – about how your kids really ARE normal, even if they’re not just eating organic. I mean, I don’t even have kids and I ALREADY feel guilty for not planning to feed them just homemade organics.
And I must say – I think it’s totally cute that your son has the SAME EXACT smile as you! Too adorable.
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I feel ya on the baby fever!! I have it bad right now. I swear I see a new baby and I ovulate. Ha ha.
I do think good to talk about parenting choices beforehand – if anything to make sure you are on the same page. Just don’t let your expectations rule your life. It’s OK if things turn out differently – and if you raise your kids differently than your friends.
So funny you say that about the smile – I hear that all the time! Yes, my genes are VERY strong, apparently! But thank you
I LOVVVVVVVVVE this!
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(and sleep while the baby’s sleeping? Yeah – good luck with that.)<—- THIS
It’s when I say, “I love you.” and I hear a little voice in return…”I love you too, Mommy.” Yep. That makes it all worth it. <—– and THIS
100% truth.
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I always love to hear that I’m not alone with that sleeping one. Who does this tidbit of advice work for???? It is a motherhood riddle – or maybe an initiation?
Hey Man, I love you too Mommy.
I hope I get to see you this week! If not, next time.
I love this post. I’m like the opposite. I thought I would love being pregnant, and I hated every second of it. But I loved labor and delivery (seriously, I would do it again tomorrow) and being a parent bowled me over. My biggest fear was that I wouldn’t love Tony. I fell in love so hard it hurt. I think one big surprise for me was that being a parent is so tough on your marriage.
I love your reflections on motherhood because they’re somewhat different from my experiences but I totally get what you’re saying. And I agree that you can be laid-back or insane about a lot of things… but everyone seems to find their own path.
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I’ll at least text you when I get into your neck of the woods
It’s interesting that you say that being a parent is tough on the marriage. I think I felt that way too at the 6-month mark with B! Now it doesn’t feel that way – but just like anything it can ebb and flow.
Yep – I think what I was really trying to say is there are a million paths to take that make you a good parent – and only you get to decide which path to take. And it’s also ok to be extreme and it’s ok to be relaxed. We’re all making it up as we go, even the “experts.”
So true.. so true.. I was just thinking about doing something on the blog about this but a teeny bit different.
I hated pregnancy and thought I would love it. I thought I wanted to stay home with the baby for a while after he was born… I wanted to get back to adult interaction as fast as possible. Things never work out like you “think”. I like the surprises… makes the days fun. My kids wear me out with all the “hey mommy” “mommy” “hey mommy” i hear all day long… then they throw the kicker. One will yell “HEY MOMMY” and I yell back “WHAT?!?!” and they say “I love you”. Kills me… little turds.
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It’s funny – I always knew I would go back to work and while I wanted to – I was surprised at how ridiculously hard it was. And with Livie – I just wanted to take a full year off (not that it happened).
I definitely agree that things never turn out like you think and it’s all really trial and error.
My husband and I don’t have kids, but hopefully in a few years we will. Anyway, the other day he asked me “what kind of parents do you want us to be?” I told him that of all the stuff I’ve read/seen about parenting, the only consistent thing is you can plan all you want for how you want to raise your kids, but once you actually have them, everything you thought goes out the window. So for now I’m just trying to observe as much as I can and when the day comes … well, God help us.
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Ha ha! No – once the kid is here, you will be ready to do anything possible to get he/she to stop crying. To get he/she to eat. And to get her/she to sleep. The awesome thing about parenting is that they don’t just throw you in the pool and tell you to swim. It’s a very gradual process and don’t realize how much you didn’t know until you’re looking back.
I do think it’s good to have a philosophy on child raising (discipline especially). Just because you may not follow it to a tee doesn’t mean it was a wasted effort!
Eek…I know I want kids in the future, but some of the things you talked about in this post are what terrify me the most. I’m just so super type-A and I worry that kids will cause me to freak out on a regular basis. However, maybe it will be a positive thing and will help me loosen up a bit
My mom is extremely Type A – and I can vouch that Type A moms can be AMAZING mothers.
Besides you have a pet — and that is REALLY good practice
I know all this stuff is true…And that’s why I waiting!
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Waiting can be good too – but it IS inevitable (if you want kids, of course). Don’t worry though – it’s all very gradual. Expect maybe pushing that baby out part, but you want that part over as fast as possible.
What a great post, I was nodding the whole time reading this!
Thank you!
Still undecided on a) whether or not to have kids and b) whether those kids will be biological, adopted, or both. Still, I loved this post! Considering the number of friends I have that have kids, are pregnant, or will be pregnant in the near future I enjoyed the insight into the life of a woman with children. I always like reading about peoples experiences on common life events, marriage, pregnancy, kids, etc…
I love reading others experiences too. I do feel like I take something away from it – even if it’s not always applicable to my life at the moment!
Hahahaha! I loved this. I can totally relate. Except I failed miserably at the whole breast feeding thing. And it is TOTALLY painful!! A few people told me before hand that it hurt, but good Lord! I thought my nipples were going to fall off! Oh, and crying it out, totally sucks. Every time I just want to rush back in there and cuddle my Little C! But alas’, she would never sleep if that was the case!
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Honestly, if I didn’t have such an awesome supply I would have given up on breastfeeding Braeden (it was much easier the 2nd time around. Still hurt, but I knew what I was doing!
I really felt like a horrible person letting my baby cry – but damn if the sleep didn’t get better almost instantly!
Wow Michelle great blog, really makes me want to have kids, I think ill stick to having fun with the nieces and nephews!
Damn, you figured out my secret strategy to ensure I am the only one who has the grandkids
Love this post! I found that there’s a lot of standard information out there about being pregnant and having a baby, but pregnancy, birth, babies and kids are anything but standard and there is very rarely a one size fits all answer when it comes to issues regarding these topics! The breastfeeding information was the worst! I just kept reading…if you’re in pain you’re doing something wrong. I call BS on that one! It hurts no matter what…A LOT. And there is also very little information out there about pumping or doing a combination of breast milk and formula which is what has worked best for me and my baby.
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EXACTLY! And let me tell you — it doesn’t change as your baby gets older.
I hate that you aren’t finding the support for both pumping (UGH) and formula. I have to say I know a lot of women who have done both – so I’m surprised there’s not more out there! Awesome job on all of your hard work!
Thanks Michelle! FYI..I linked to this post in my post today bc it was a perfect fit for what I was talking about! Loving your blog
So my husband and I are talking about kids lately and honestly, I’m scared that I’ll sort of lose my identity, that I’ll just become Mommy. And also I really like sleeping. I guess no one is prepared, right?
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Yep — no one is prepared – and I truly believe you only lose your identity if you let yourself. Losing my identity was a HUGE deal to me when I had kids (and even before). And really it’s the little things that make a big difference – and a husband that understands that you don’t just want to be “mommy.” Thankfully, most of my good friends (with kids) are like me – we love our kids to death, but we work, we have other interests and we make time for friends.
So what is the advantage of being the only one with grandkids?
I wouldn’t say it an advantage for you or me (it’s not like a contest – I prefer people have kids because they want them – not because they feel obligated – you know?), but my kids end up with sole attention from their grandparents. So hurry up and have kids already
Geez.