So, this whole baby thing is really happening soon, huh?
I feel like I only post side shots… I look bigger from the front!
I’m kinda half in denial, but lately my thoughts have drifted towards thoughts on the baby’s arrival. I’d love to tell you I am fully prepared, but that would be a lie. I mean, nobody is ever prepared to have a baby. Even if it’s not your first trip to the rodeo.
The funny thing is, I’m not worried so much about the things I stressed about the last two times I’ve done this.
With my first pregnancy I was just in a state of “WTF.” I didn’t didn’t know what to expect AT ALL. I was mostly worried about labor, delivery, and breastfeeding, because I feel like that’s what everyone tells you to focus on. The baby? Psshhh… (ha, I was so wrong – having a baby rocked my world). I also stressed out frequently about about sleep. In fact, I think my life revolved around the baby’s sleep schedule for at least the first year if not more. I was a headcase.
He still makes this face.
With my second pregnancy, I was mostly concerned about the well-being of B and how this was going to impact his life. Maybe this stems from being the oldest, but I knew it was going to change our relationship ( I wasn’t wrong). I was slightly concerned about balancing two kids and finding an in-home daycare (not something we had to worry about right away the first time) – but yeah, I was mostly just worried about how B was going to react. He was not quite 3 and I’m not sure he understand what was going on. (He, in fact, reacted as any typical preschooler would — like an a-hole. Except when he was making his sister laugh. Good thing he’s redeemed himself since then.) Sleep was kind of a non-issue. I just didn’t have time to focus on it. The baby was relevant, but the preschooler was MUCH more demanding. If anything, L was a piece of cake. I kept wondering why I thought having one was hard. As for sleep – naps happened whenever they could and bedtime was much more flexible. L reverse-cycled for the majority of her first year and she woke up at least once to nurse because she refused to eat more at daycare. It wasn’t ideal (and at the time it TOTALLY sucked), but she got over it and to be honest she’s the better sleeper of the two. Go figure.
This time – it’s like a whole new ballgame. In many ways I feel like I’m going back to the beginning – just with two “helpers” in tow. My life is much busier now. Not necessarily with MY priorities (although those have changed too), but theirs. There’s homework, dance, sports, and friends. My little people have their own lives. Where are we fitting a baby into all of this? There are things I am really excited about – the birth, the first smiles, and the snuggles for starters. But then, there are things I’m dreading. The every 2-hour feedings, the engorgement, the “witching hour” (edited to add a link to this post on what the witching hour is), the unresponsiveness, and postpartum recovery. It’s like everything I’ve forgotten is coming back and I remember how hard it is.
I’m mostly afraid that I can’t handle three. Not now, not in the first year, but in the distant future. I already struggle on Saturdays to get the kids to their various activities (that for some reason ALL have to happen in the morning). Adding a third to the mix is just craziness. This of course just opens the floodgates for even more questions… will we ever go on vacation again? How will they all share one bathroom when they are preteen/teenagers? How can I make sure we don’t spoil/favor one child over another? How are we going to do dropoff? How am I going to get to work on time??
Truthfully, many of these thoughts are ridiculous. I mean, yes, they are things to consider – but it’s not like I’m giving birth to a 4-year old. I have time. A teeny tiny blip of time to enjoy every snuggle, smile, silly face, and screech of joy. And the kids have time to enjoy a younger sibling. To boss him/her around. To show him/her the good and the bad. Yes, the dynamic of my family is going to change, but it might be amazing!
Yes, I’m afraid and nervous and most of the time I wonder what the hell I was thinking, but there’s one thing is for certain – there is never a single regret. Ready or not we’re about to become a family of 5!