Wisdom I Feel Like Sharing

So, I’ve been feeling very giving (and cynical) these days, so here’s some stuff that’s been on my mind lately. I don’t know if it’s the hormones, the rainy weather, or the fact that I have doubled my toilet paper usage in the past month (Charmin ain’t cheap – y’all) that’s putting me into this mood – but I have some important wisdom that I just need to get off my chest. If you don’t think I’m talking about you – I’m probably talking about you (but don’t worry – I’m just as guilty of doing this stuff as well).

Do you NOT have a filter?

This is what I think about 80% of the time these days. Yes, I know I look like I’m about to birth a small baby cow, but is it necessary to tell me I can barely fit in the doorway? Or that I am HUUUUUUGE. Or that I’m “playing basketball.” <-?) Probably not. It’s one thing for ME to joke about it (and if I joke about it, I expect you to laugh), but it’s another for you to bring it up.


Of course, I say and think this but at my Dr. appointment on Tuesday I told my Dr. he looked ridiculously tired (in response he told me he had a GREAT night of sleep – thanks for rubbing it in there a-hole). Derp. Apparently, I can dish it, but I can’t take it.

Do you NOT know how to use Google?

I really want to do an intervention with some people. I have news for you… Facebook is NOT Google. You can just as easily type in a few search words into Google and get your answer without having to survey your friends. FYI – Twitter is not Google either.


Start a blog.

If you feel the need to update your Facebook status 100 times a day and post a bajillion blurry pictures of your kids – I highly recommend you start a blog.


Seriously. You can make it private and invite the friends who actually CARE that bought a new coat, or you need directions and you aren’t aware that Google Maps exists or that your kids won’t nap again (just like every day when you post that your kid isn’t napping).

Not all people in minivans are slow.

Ok, so I might have had this same reaction to minivans before I bought one. Actually, I admit it – I still have this reaction. I get behind a minivan and I’m like “Great – slow ass driver.” and then remember that I’m actually driving the same damn car.


But seriously people – don’t try to go around me or avoid me just because I’m in a mom mobile. I’ll smoke your ass (ok, maybe not – but I don’t go 10 miles under the speed limit like you expect me to).

You just had a baby, stop being so damn proactive.

I read like 9000 blogs a day and half of them are pregnant/just given birth. While I’m about all working out while pregnant (obviously), I am also all about sitting on my ass and recovering for 6 weeks after birth. Yes, I will go on the occasional walk. Yes, I will probably do some plank work and pushups before my 6 weeks check up, but you better believe I will not be running. My vagina and my uterus will be taking a well-deserved vacation.


I’ll be back tomorrow with less snark and animated gifs. Until then…Have any wisdom you want to share?


I interrupt my pregnancy whining and complaining to bring you this sponsored post…

Did you know that Odwalla (who, in my opinion, has awesome smoothies and protein bars) is funding 100,000 trees? 

Odwalla Logo

From Odwalla’s site:

Odwalla is teaming up with The Nature Conservancy’s All Hands on Earth campaign to plant up to 100,000 trees through 2013 in cities and towns across the country.

Why trees? Because clean water, healthy soil, and fresh air are the not-so-secret ingredients that make our beverages and bars as good as they are. And nothing nourishes these elements more than trees. They’re like nature’s caretakers, and we’re delighted to show the world just how much good a few little seeds can do.


Who doesn’t like trees? Sure, their pollen can be annoying at times (I’m talking about you Oak) – but we could all use more trees and in our lives. As a runner, trees are NECESSARY – especially in the hot, hot Florida sun and during a long run. You better believe if I’m running while the sun is up, there are a bajillion trees on my running route.

The best part is that if you go to their site and create a tree (like mine below), they will plant a real tree in your honor. Without making you get dirty. Or do any digging. Or watering. (I have a black thumb, so this is all pretty alluring to me)


My tree. I’m obviously VERY VERY talented at dragging and dropping.

Creating a tree takes minutes and involves absolutely zero creativity (which again, is good for this girl!) and can temporarily take your mind off of things (like how you are never, ever, ever going to go into labor). 

Even better? If you create a tree you are automatically entered into a giveaway for a $10,000 gift card and a year’s supply of Odwalla beverages and bars. Oh, and they’ll send you a coupon. Everyone is a winner!

Here are some more details!

Between March 20, 2013 and May 31, 2013, Odwalla will contribute $1 for each tree you
create to The Nature Conservancy for the planting of trees– no less than $75,000 and
up to $100,000. The mission of The Nature Conservancy is to conserve the land and
waters on which all life depends. More information about the Conservancy is available
by mail at 4245 N. Fairfax Drive, Arlington, Virginia 22203, by phone at (800) 628-6860
or at www.nature.org

So what are you waiting for? Go get digitally “creative” and plant a tree!

*Disclosure: Compensation was provided by Odwalla via Glam Media. The opinion expressed herein are those of the author and are not indicative of the opinions or positions of Odwalla*