So, I’ve been feeling very giving (and cynical) these days, so here’s some stuff that’s been on my mind lately. I don’t know if it’s the hormones, the rainy weather, or the fact that I have doubled my toilet paper usage in the past month (Charmin ain’t cheap – y’all) that’s putting me into this mood – but I have some important wisdom that I just need to get off my chest. If you don’t think I’m talking about you – I’m probably talking about you (but don’t worry – I’m just as guilty of doing this stuff as well).
Do you NOT have a filter?
This is what I think about 80% of the time these days. Yes, I know I look like I’m about to birth a small baby cow, but is it necessary to tell me I can barely fit in the doorway? Or that I am HUUUUUUGE. Or that I’m “playing basketball.” <-?) Probably not. It’s one thing for ME to joke about it (and if I joke about it, I expect you to laugh), but it’s another for you to bring it up.
Of course, I say and think this but at my Dr. appointment on Tuesday I told my Dr. he looked ridiculously tired (in response he told me he had a GREAT night of sleep – thanks for rubbing it in there a-hole). Derp. Apparently, I can dish it, but I can’t take it.
Do you NOT know how to use Google?
I really want to do an intervention with some people. I have news for you… Facebook is NOT Google. You can just as easily type in a few search words into Google and get your answer without having to survey your friends. FYI – Twitter is not Google either.
Start a blog.
If you feel the need to update your Facebook status 100 times a day and post a bajillion blurry pictures of your kids – I highly recommend you start a blog.
Seriously. You can make it private and invite the friends who actually CARE that bought a new coat, or you need directions and you aren’t aware that Google Maps exists or that your kids won’t nap again (just like every day when you post that your kid isn’t napping).
Not all people in minivans are slow.
Ok, so I might have had this same reaction to minivans before I bought one. Actually, I admit it – I still have this reaction. I get behind a minivan and I’m like “Great – slow ass driver.” and then remember that I’m actually driving the same damn car.
But seriously people – don’t try to go around me or avoid me just because I’m in a mom mobile. I’ll smoke your ass (ok, maybe not – but I don’t go 10 miles under the speed limit like you expect me to).
You just had a baby, stop being so damn proactive.
I read like 9000 blogs a day and half of them are pregnant/just given birth. While I’m about all working out while pregnant (obviously), I am also all about sitting on my ass and recovering for 6 weeks after birth. Yes, I will go on the occasional walk. Yes, I will probably do some plank work and pushups before my 6 weeks check up, but you better believe I will not be running. My vagina and my uterus will be taking a well-deserved vacation.
I’ll be back tomorrow with less snark and animated gifs. Until then…Have any wisdom you want to share?