Wisdom I Feel Like Sharing

So, I’ve been feeling very giving (and cynical) these days, so here’s some stuff that’s been on my mind lately. I don’t know if it’s the hormones, the rainy weather, or the fact that I have doubled my toilet paper usage in the past month (Charmin ain’t cheap – y’all) that’s putting me into this mood – but I have some important wisdom that I just need to get off my chest. If you don’t think I’m talking about you – I’m probably talking about you (but don’t worry – I’m just as guilty of doing this stuff as well).

Do you NOT have a filter?

This is what I think about 80% of the time these days. Yes, I know I look like I’m about to birth a small baby cow, but is it necessary to tell me I can barely fit in the doorway? Or that I am HUUUUUUGE. Or that I’m “playing basketball.” <-?) Probably not. It’s one thing for ME to joke about it (and if I joke about it, I expect you to laugh), but it’s another for you to bring it up.


Of course, I say and think this but at my Dr. appointment on Tuesday I told my Dr. he looked ridiculously tired (in response he told me he had a GREAT night of sleep – thanks for rubbing it in there a-hole). Derp. Apparently, I can dish it, but I can’t take it.

Do you NOT know how to use Google?

I really want to do an intervention with some people. I have news for you… Facebook is NOT Google. You can just as easily type in a few search words into Google and get your answer without having to survey your friends. FYI – Twitter is not Google either.


Start a blog.

If you feel the need to update your Facebook status 100 times a day and post a bajillion blurry pictures of your kids – I highly recommend you start a blog.


Seriously. You can make it private and invite the friends who actually CARE that bought a new coat, or you need directions and you aren’t aware that Google Maps exists or that your kids won’t nap again (just like every day when you post that your kid isn’t napping).

Not all people in minivans are slow.

Ok, so I might have had this same reaction to minivans before I bought one. Actually, I admit it – I still have this reaction. I get behind a minivan and I’m like “Great – slow ass driver.” and then remember that I’m actually driving the same damn car.


But seriously people – don’t try to go around me or avoid me just because I’m in a mom mobile. I’ll smoke your ass (ok, maybe not – but I don’t go 10 miles under the speed limit like you expect me to).

You just had a baby, stop being so damn proactive.

I read like 9000 blogs a day and half of them are pregnant/just given birth. While I’m about all working out while pregnant (obviously), I am also all about sitting on my ass and recovering for 6 weeks after birth. Yes, I will go on the occasional walk. Yes, I will probably do some plank work and pushups before my 6 weeks check up, but you better believe I will not be running. My vagina and my uterus will be taking a well-deserved vacation.


I’ll be back tomorrow with less snark and animated gifs. Until then…Have any wisdom you want to share?


    • says

      I seriously appreciate that you waited to run! I get the itch – but I am TIRED and my boobs feel like they are going to explode. Like all good things in life – it can wait!

  1. says

    1) Yes, more people need filters! There is something about pregnancy that seems to give people more freedom to comment on your body. Yesterday I ran into my neighbor, who told me I’m going to have a huge baby, because I’m all belly and apparently it looks large. Um, everything is actually measuring perfectly normal, I am just petite with a short torso so my belly sticks out more.

    2) Over-sharers on Facebook make me insane. I have hidden people from my news feed for that.

    3) I seem to be surrounded by crazy-ass minivan drivers who drive like bats out of hell. I swear (up here at least) they are among the craziest drivers.
    Jen recently posted..Sometimes I do dumb things

    • says

      Lol. I won’t hurt you because I know you are living with a pregnant woman and are being tortured in your own kind of hell right now…

  2. says

    So I laughed my ass off at this post. And feel the same about a lot of it. I got on the scale at the dr office last week (17 weeks preg) and the nurse goes “whoooooaaaaa put on a little weight this month!” Like wtf am I not 4 months pregnant? Am I not sposed to gain weight b**ch? Also the belly grabbing by strangers Im like oh can I grab yours to as I reach for there fat roll. If I don’t know u don’t assume I want my sensitive large and in charge stomach rubbed by you. Wow lol look at the rant your post got out of me. I could go on lol

    Anyway I only walked til week 5 and when I first ran it was a giant failure and I thought my innards were goin to fall out my whooha so ill be waiting this time a little longer.

    • says

      Lol to your innards falling out of your hoo-ha — YES! There is just no reason to rush it. I would like to keep my uterus inside of me, thank you very much!

      Ugh on the nurse!! She should know better. I did get comments in my first two pregnancies around the 4-5 month mark too from the Drs (both women who, have kids!) you know WHEN YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE GAINING WEIGH (which is really funny because I only gained about 20lbs each time and I’ve gained more this time). Nothing this time (from them at least) – thankfully!

  3. says

    My wisdom: Not every Pin you repin needs to be sent to your Twitter feed. OMG, people OMG. If I wanted to know what you were pinning, I would follow you on Pinterest … not Twitter. It drives me freaking insane.

    Another nugget: Learn to use and love Snopes.com. If one more of my relatives shares some great controversy, I’m going to unfriend all those bitches. No, “radical Islamist” did not get Jabba the Hutt’s palace Lego set recalled. No, a guy was not planning on proposing to one of the Boston Marathon bombing victims but she died. No, Obama did not just fail to put his hand over his heart during a national anthem.


    Man, this is fun. I love ranty, super-pregnant Michelle. :)
    Jackie @ MomJovi recently posted..BFFs 2.0

    • says

      YES to all of these (I REALLY don’t understand tweeting what you’ve pinned – although I do understand tweeting what you instagrammed – mainly because I’m not always on my phone) and let’s not forget that Back to the Future post I’ve seen approx 900 times on FB now with different dates on it. It can’t ALWAYS be the date he goes to the future. It’s called photoshop. People use it.

    • says

      Well… Braeden’s baseball team IS having their team party at a bowling alley on the 10th. There’s a large possibility that we could make this happen.

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