All The Things I Didn’t Expect

I can’t believe it, but Evan will hit four months at the end of this week. What? That’s crazy.

I’ll have a four month update sometime in the next  week or so, but we have definitely hit a sweet spot. FINALLY. I feel much more emotionally stable, which helps. That said, I still have my moments. For example, the other night I was really, really sad that I didn’t have this huge baby bump anymore…

michellemat (44 of 63)

And then I remember how horribly uncomfortable that baby bump was and how I was SO READY to be done.

Untitled

Unimpressed on my due date. Hey – remember when I used to do my hair?

And then I was sad that he’s no longer this sweet adorable smushy newborn…

Untitled

"I love my wubbanub." (Thanks to @kwidrick!)

3109

Untitled

Untitled

Just focus on how tiny he looks here, now how scary I look.

And I remember how much personality he has now AND how much more he sleeps and how less often he eats.

So yeah… it’s a rollercoaster.

While there four months have been full of frustrations and sleep deprivation – they have also been full of so much love and joy. And, as the title of this posts indicates: surprise. There are just some things I didn’t expect (or apparently remember)…

How much I would be IN LOVE.

Obviously, I love my kids. I would give my life for theirs any second of the day, any day of the week. However, the love you feel for a infant is so much more consuming that the love you feel for your 7-year old. Or your 4-year old.

I’m hypothesizing that it has something to do with the fact that your infant cannot talk back. Call me crazy.

It’s not that I love Evan any differently than my older two. No, I was just as head over heels in love with them. But, over time they start forming opinions and you know there’s that whole “not listening to you” thing. When they are tiny and sweet and snuggly – you are their ENTIRE WORLD and it is amazing. This is exactly WHY I love the baby phase.

Newborn snuggles

How tired I would be.

I remember being tired the previous two times, but this time I’m actually going to bed when the baby goes to bed and I’m STILL pretty effing tired. I chalk this up to being old. The last time I did this I was 31– and the first time I was 28. Man, those years have added up! A HUGE reason why I could never have a 4th is that I don’t think I would be awake for it.

How much my hormones would try to convince me to have more babies.

Speaking of having a 4th… that’s never going to happen. BUT, my hormones have been trying to tell my brain that I should consider it. Thankfully, those hormones are dying down now because no. Just no. I barely have the patience for three and like I said – there’s that whole tired thing. Oh and not to mention that whole finances thing. In case you didn’t know – babies are expensive. And I don’t want to spend ALL of my hard earned money on them. Well, on them just being babies at least.

How easy AND hard it would be for my kids to transition.

B and L looooooove Evan so much. They want to hold him, play with him, and kiss him every chance they get. They love trying to make him smile and laugh. I’m pretty sure they are also feeling the newborn love! However, as the weeks have gone on I have noticed little personality quirks in both of them that I’m now attributing to our newest addition. And I have to say, it’s the hardest freaking thing about transitioning to being a mom of three!  I wish I could convince them I still love them  the same as before and that, in the grand scheme of things, nothing has changed. I know eventually they will adjust – but it makes me feel a little sad and a lot guilty to see them struggle.

It's going to be a long day.

This is apparently not my daughter, but my pet baby tiger. At least she's a baby tiger who can rock some boots.

Saturday morning sweetness.

Untitled

How easy the transition would be, but how hard each day would feel.

By easy transition I mean – the baby is really easy to take care of. If he were my first? I’d probably want 10 more just like him.
I can put him down and 85% of the time he will just play or shove his fist in his mouth and coo. Or, he’ll just look at me like this…

Good Morning!

However, almost every day I feel like a champion because I make it through it. These past 2 weeks since school started have been INTENSE. It’s mad dash to leave the house every day (and despite the time I actually get to work, I am typically IN my car by 7:55) and then it’s a mad dash to do pickup before 6. Add more homework than ever and three exhausted kids – and I’m pretty much in bed myself by 9:15 every night. This is new for me. I’m used to being the one who can function on a little bit of sleep and caffeine, but it’s not flying anymore.

How much Evan fits in and how complete my family feels.

Evan really did fit in from the start. When Braeden was born it took a little while to wrap my head around having a baby. When Livie was born it took a while to wrap my head around having a baby who was SO different from Braeden in every way. But when Evan was born it just felt… right. I don’t know, it was weird. I also could imagine myself having another baby after B & L – but this time, I can’t. Evan is meant to be the 5th and final member. We are truly complete. Three is my number.

And then there were three. Life is good.

We're a motley crew.

How sad I would feel that I’m moving on.

I think the hardest part about having your last baby is just that — it’s the last. I mean, duh. I won’t get to be pregnant again. I won’t get to feel the baby moving in my belly again. I won’t get to experience birth again (although, truthfully I’m OK with that), and I won’t get to experience the newborn stage again. At least with my own. My maternity clothes are packed up and ready to be dispersed to pregnant friends and family members. I’ve started packing away newborn and 3 months clothes for good. It’s caused a few tears. I naively thought I would be ready the 3rd time around for the closure, but it’s not happening as easily as I expected. All good things DO come to and end – and it’s OK to grieve them.

How excited I would be about THE FUTURE!

To complicate my sadness, I am also really excited about the things to come! Family vacations, races, home improvements — oh my! Sometimes when you are in baby madness you forget that there is LIFE after having babies. Not that you can’t DO these things when you have small children, but as I’ve learned – they are infinitely easier as the kids get bigger! I am truly excited for the adventures to come. You know, once I get a little more sleep.

What family vacation should be plan first?? I really want to take my kids to Europe when they are older, but I’m thinking Hawaii in a few years. Am I crazy?

Comments

    • says

      You are so sweet! I was terrified about going from 1-2 — even more than going from 0-1, so you are NOT alone in your fears! Turns out going from 1-2 really wasn’t THAT bad. The hardest part was potty training with a newborn. I don’t recommend it. Lol.

  1. Melissa says

    Aw, you are such a good mama to all your kiddos! I appreciate your honesty. It helps paint a more accurate picture of reality when you don’t sugar coat things, and even so, I can tell that you are so happy and that it’s all worth it. XO

  2. says

    Love this. I can totally relate to some of these feelings, and I’m only on my first kid. I’m already sad that Hunter seems to be growing up so quickly. I keep thinking, “Well at least I can have another baby someday…” so I can’t even imagine how I’ll feel when I’m on my last kid.

    Your family is beautiful! So glad things are going better. :) xoxo
    Ashley @ My Food N Fitness Diaries recently posted..WIAW #97: My New Favorite Cereal

    • says

      Thanks :) and yes – exactly! I knew this time would come and it’s just as hard as I imagined. I’m trying not to get caught up in though, before there is really so much to look forward to at every stage!!

  3. says

    I know what you mean about it being sad that the baby is the last one. I always knew I only wanted two, but when I think of how fast B is growing it makes me so sad that I won’t have these stages again. Although, I’m with you that I can do without the toddler attitude stage again. And probably will say that abou tthe teenager stage. Why can’t they be cuddly newborns who love you forever?
    Tina @ Best Body Fitness recently posted..Life Lately: Enjoyments

    • says

      Yes – it goes by waaaaay too fast and I swear for each kid it’s going faster and faster. I’m extremely happy that my brothers are finally deciding to have kids. I can’t wait to snuggle their newborns (and then give them back)!

  4. Belinda says

    Hawaii is great, but I think the Caribbean is SO much more beautiful and ALOT cheaper :) I’d take the family there instead. It’s also a much easier and cheaper flight. And definitely do Europe when they get older.

    • says

      We’ll probably do a few Caribbean trips as well! They are cheaper and there are some great family-friendly all-inclusives. I’m just ready to start planning a BIG trip. Hawaii is my first pick for sure!

  5. says

    Even with more sleep, I still feel exhausted a lot of the time; can it be the calories burnt nursing is really like a form of exercise and even though I should be getting sufficient rest, it’s the reason I’m (we’re) not? That’s the only thing I can chalk it up to now that I’m not (most of the time) having to wake up every few hours to feed her…and on a separate note, will I ever get full use of my brain back? ;-)
    Gina recently posted..Postpartum Week 11 (aka PROGRESS)

    • says

      Yeah – calories burned during nursing REALLLLY suck the life out of you! It’s something like 22 calories an ounce — which, if you are also working out, is A LOT of freaking calories!!

      I hear you on the full of use of your brain. Once the fog has lifted, it WILL get better.

  6. julie16750 says

    I love how you always seem to say things that I am thinking, so thank you for letting me know I’m not alone (and normal). I was just looking at pregnant belly pictures and missing mine. Shannon is on Twitter talking about “when is this baby coming out?” and I got sad remembering those thoughts I had. I look at Natalie and think “you used to be so little, what happened?!” And now seeing the picture of you in the hospital with your three, I just realized I don’t have any pictures of just me and my two kids in the hospital (or at all actually) and I can’t go back to that and do it over or do it “next time.” :(
    It’s totally true about the love you feel being different for the baby who smiles at you every time you look at them versus the sassy preschooler who screams that he still wants to play instead of going to bed like he should. But I do look forward to the fun things we will be able to do once they get a little older.
    I’m keeping my eye on Turks and Caicos all inclusive as our first big family vacay. Damn PBS commercials while Aaron watches that creepy Thomas the Train show gets me every time.

    • says

      I didn’t have ANY pictures of Braeden and Livie together at the hospital. It was too insane. I think the only reason I took any this time was b/c it was Mother’s Day!

      I think when I had Braeden, I wanted him to be bigger, sooner. I was miserable in the newborn stage and he just really rocked my world. With Livie I was much calmer, but still didn’t LOVE it. This time I REALLY got it. Maybe it’s because I’m older or maybe it’s b/c he’s the last — but of course, it going by the fastest! WTH man??

      It that the commercial for Beaches? Because I totally want to go there too. We honeymooned at a Sandals and it was so great.

    • says

      You will miss it – eventually :) I was ready for all of my babies to come out, but seeing pregnant women makes me nostalgic. I DON’T miss the baby sitting on my bladder or the pelvic pain or anything of that though. Lol.

      Never say never on the number! My mom told me if I have 3, I should just have 4 because even numbers are easier. I get it, but it’s still not happening.

    • says

      Aww thank you! You guys are the cutest and you definitely LOOK content!

      I was SO not ready for more kids until Braeden was about 2. I caught baby fever when he was around 18 months — but wasn’t really ready for another one for another 6 months. He was almost 3 when she was born. That said – I’m glad we waited until Livie was 3 to go for a 3rd. She is totally in love with her little brother – especially now that he is interacting more and more with her. Things are getting easier for sure – it wasn’t as quick with B (he was a year younger).

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Current day month ye@r *

CommentLuv badge