Last week I read this article on Jezebel about women not giving a shit about having it all.
While the article is right on and I relate to it on SO many levels,it bothers me that women who are doing exactly what they want in life aren’t defining it as “having it all.” Even in an article about how women are perfectly content going to work — but NOT climbing the corporate ladder so that they can also enjoy raising a family – are being defined as “in betweeners” and “not ambitious.”
WTF? Why must it be so black and white?
How is living my life exactly how I want — NOT HAVING IT ALL? What more should I want to have???
Sure, I’d love to go on more vacations, do more (or any) volunteering, and maybe hang out with my friends more – but, I’m perfectly content with my working mom status. I’d also like to have perfectly angelic children — but where’s the fun in that?
I think the title of the article bothered me more than anything… and obviously, it triggered something. It really it begs the question- why are we defining ourselves with what we DON’T have? And also, why AREN’T we deeming ourselves successful? Why does society feel the need to box women in just a few categories? And WHY IN GOD’S NAME do we feel like it’s always a competition?
I think what really struck a nerve with me is that even though this article was defending women like me – a mom who isn’t trying to rule the world – it still made me feel like they were saying we are inadequate. And believe me, we are NOT inadequate.
I work at a job that I enjoy.
I make a decent salary.
I use my Master’s Degree and I feel like my students loans are actually WORTH IT.
I am able provide high-quality care for my kids and they LOVE IT. Seriously, they never want to LEAVE they love it so much.
I cook (relatively healthy) meals for my family 90% of the week.
My kids are my biggest cheerleaders and champions and (most of the time) they respect me.
I am married to a great guy who is an EQUAL parent.
I find time for ME. I have hobbies, I read books, I watch TV, I exercise.
I have traveled to more than 5 places in past 5 years (for work and pleasure).
Again, how is this not having it all? And more important – how is that not being ambitious? I feel like every damn day I am ambitious, but also, realistic.
Yes, my life is crazy and hectic and (most days) it’s nonstop. But it’s my crazy and hectic. And it’s fulfilling. TO ME.
Maybe in order to feel like we DO have it all, we need to need to stop labeling what “having it all” really means. It’s not just ONE THING to everyone. It’s not a stay at home mom vs. working mom thing either. You CAN have it all without kids, right?? I mean, not everyone wants them!!! It’s also not really even a woman thing. It’s a HUMAN thing. (Related sidenote: why don’t I ever see articles about men having it all???)
Instead of trying to “have it all” — why not just try to be happy? And if you aren’t happy? What’s stopping you from changing it?
How do you define “Having it all?” What’s making you want to rant today?