It feels weird to be writing this post now. Evan is just shy of 18 months and I fully intended to continue to breastfeed him until he was 2+. I know most women would be happy making it 3 or 6 months let alone 18 months – but I guess I’m a weirdo. It’s not like I wanted to breastfeed until he was 8, but with the my oldest I had to wean them at 26 months. Who’s weird now.
Two weeks ago, without really a sign or warning that it was the end, E decided he was done. Too cool for the boob, I guess. We made it through various nursing strikes, teething, Hand/Foot/Mouth (which I don’t wish on my worst enemy), marathon training, and even Chicago… and then he just dropped the mic. I guess that’s how the third and final kid is supposed to do it. No warning, no weaning. Just… boom.
“Surprise bitches!”
At first, I was in denial. I couldn’t believe he was just over it so quickly (it you consider 18 months quick).
Then, I was sad. I mean really, really, crying real tears, sad.
He’s my baby. He’s supposed to stay my baby the longest.
I’m now in limbo stage where I vacillate between sad and happy. Happy because it takes less time to put him to bed and there are less wake ups. Sad because it takes less time to put him to bed and there are less wake ups. And, of course like the other times breastfeeding has ended, it’s been hormonal. Damn stupid ass hormones.
Motherhood is weird.
Unlike the other times I’ve weaned – there was always a notion that there would be more to come. This time though, I’m done. The shop AND the ice cream parlor are closed for business. As much as I loooooooooooove babies, they grow up and my tolerance and checking account only stretch so far. Ok, maybe just my tolerance (I could sell a kidney or something for the cuteness).
Ahhhh breastfeeding…. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was an experience I will never regret, a gift that I was given, and it saved me about 40 gajillion dollars (probably more). If I could go back in time, would I do it again? You betcha.
So, after 9 years of thinking/stressing out about babies (I actually found out I was pregnant with B 9 years ago today!! God, I’m old.), boobs, breastfeeding, engorgement, lopsidedness, Raynaud’s, milk bags, pumping, liquid gold, mastitis, and wearing every bra size from a 36A to a 32DD — I say goodbye. Adios. It’s my first really big last and I never expected to miss it. It’s bittersweet.
Bottoms up.
Good for you for breastfeeding all of your kiddos for so long! I’m in a state of limbo right now with B. Sometimes I’m totally ready for him to wean and other days I can’t imagine it. It definitely is an emotional transition. I hear that a lot of kids just quit like E did, B really seems to love the boob though so I’m not sure if we’ll get there or if I’ll have to gently nudge him in that direction! I understand the mixed emotions though, I get them just thinking about weaning him!
Awesome job that you are continuing with extended BFing! Try to enjoy every day. It’s funny that I didn’t really get a “last nursing session” with him E to tie up all of the years of nursing, but I guess that’s life. I love the time we had together 🙂
I laugh reading this today as I'm breastfeeding my 8 month old!
I CANNOT BELIEVE HE IS 8 MONTHS OLD!!! Time flies. I hope you are enjoying every minute!
Weaning does mess up the hormones. Your babies will always be YOUR babies! Congratulations for nursing as long as you did .. and for finally .. for the “Girls” to having their freedom back!! <3
Thanks for always supporting me 🙂 <3
I love your boob posts and the gifs 🙂
I need to find something for these girls to do — now that they are unemployed 😉
Oh man, this made ME tear up. We are rounding on a year, and my little gal seems to be slowing down. When I started, I planned (hoped?) to BF for a year. Then I got going and I realized how much it meant for me to give that to her, and I planned on letting her wean. But…I am not ready yet. (That being said, weaning from the pump is happening, and is making my life MUCH better!)
Hugs to you! I’m sure you’re running the gamut of emotions.
All of my kids slowed at a year, but then picked it up again — so just go with it. They get very distracted thanks to their news skills — walking, talking, etc.– so be patient! I really think that if E hadn’t gotten Hand, Foot, and Mouth he would still be nursing. It really killed my supply and his interest 🙁
Yay for being done with pumping!! That is DEFINITELY a momentous occasion!!
It must be an E thing. One day E just woke up and she was done too without any warning. It was around 16 or 17 months and like you, I fully intended to go to 2. And I totally felt robbed that I never got a “one final time.” I had no idea when I was nursing her that final time that it was the final time. About three weeks after she quit, she got really hurt on an old-fashioned steam humidifier at my dad’s and as she neared an hour of crying, I, in desperation, offered the boob to see if that could soothe her. And she smacked it away so decisively that it made the quitting all the much harder. So my advice? Don’t fall into that temptation to offer it at some point down the line. If he’s anything like my E, he’ll just reject it and it’ll hurt more. To celebrate do what I did and go buy yourself a few new fancy bras since hopefully the sizing fluctuations are now over … til menopause, of course! So we’ve got that going for us.
Why must E’s be so difficult???
We already did the whole offering/rejection thing — and yeah, it was not worth that pain. Hello open wound!
I would totally buy myself new bras — if there was anything there that needed support. They are SO sad right now. That 40th birthday gift to myself it looking more appealing than ever.
Oh, and yay menopause. Sob.
Wait, Raynaud is related to breastfeeding? more info on this please! (I had a season of what seemed to be Raynaud’s and since then nothing).
I am sorry the end wasn’t on your own terms, but on the positive side, you don’t have to ask yourself whether it’s the right time to cut him off…. and he is so cute!!!
I discovered, when breastfeeding B, that my “poor circulation” did not just effect my fingers. It was the worst during the first 6 weeks with him, but popped up again when I was pregnant with L and E — and even now when it’s cold outside I feel that burning, frostbite like sensation. It’s totally awesome!!
I definitely don’t have as much guilt (because who am I kidding — there’s always guilt!) ending things this time, so that is nice. And thanks – he is such a little charmer.
Michelle – it’s crazy how alike our paths are – I’ve read your posts over the last year and a half when we were 20 and 16 weeks pregnant and running and our 3 kids are the same age and we’re the same age…and this is the first time I’ve heard another nursing mom mention Reynaud’s – hurt like …….fill in the blank! I never knew such pain; it came on suddenly one cold January week with my 18 month old and it brought tears of pain…luckily La Leche League to the rescue (phone consult) but it took about 40 minutes for the Reynaud’s suggestion to come up…anyway, the solution was vitamin B6 – I bought some that day, took a dose and within 12 hours, pain free! It’s not commonly known so I like to spread the news (for Marie and any others) when I can:>
Anyway, another commonality, my little 17 month old E and I are almost done nursing too…I barely have enough for one nursing a day…anytime could be the last time:
Keep on being your awesome self Michelle!
They say everyone has a twin!!
Too funny that you have experienced so many of the same things. And you have an E!! Good to know about the Raynaud’s – I’ve experienced it in my fingers for years. It only affects other extremities when it’s SUPER cold, but perhaps I should stock up on some B6. It really does hurt like a MOTHER. It was the hardest with my first when I had NO IDEA what was going on.
You keep on being YOUR awesome self. We got this. Maybe 🙂
So this post seriously almost gave me a panic attack about eventually having to stop breastfeeding MY baby.
Although it would be nice to get shitfaced.
It goes by so damn fast. I still feel like he’s brand new!
I don’t even know the last time I got shitfaced. Maybe New Year’s Eve when L was 2? These days I start drinking and just want to take a nap. Sigh.
I’m still nursing Little E and she’s 20 months old. I felt the same way about getting through Chicago! This is the second marathon that I’ve trained for while breastfeeding which I guess is not surprising I guess since I’ve either been pregnant or breastfeeding since January of 2009. I realized a few weeks ago that she could just decide to stop at any point and so I’ve tried to slow down and enjoy it while I can. I’m really going to miss nursing when I’m all finished.
You made me laugh and tear up with this post…good job. 🙂
Aww – I’m so glad you are still nursing! It’s so bittersweet to be done – with everything. Part of me is like — I can have more babies! (my husband does not agree with this sentiment) At times it just doesn’t seem right. Thankfully, E has been super cuddly lately, so while there hasn’t been nursing – he’s made up for it in other ways! It all goes by WAAAY too fast though!
Hormones are the devil.
I can’t decide if I’m looking forward to the end of breastfeeding or dreading it. I mean, she’s 3, we made it WAY past our goal and she’s not exactly little anymore.. but she’s still MY baby. I think she’s gradually weaning though, I don’t offer it anymore and she only asks a few times a week at bedtime instead of every night. Yay.. I think?
I’m super impressed you are still going strong at age 3! She is still your baby. I went into having E thinking I would be nursing with him for the longest – but DAMN he proved me wrong!
It’s sooooo bittersweet. I hope you have a memorable last…whenever that may be.