Now that I’ve expertly survived an entire year, I thought I would dole out a little advice. I mean, I now know EVERYTHING there is know about having three kids, so you should follow everything I do to a tee.
If you do, you too will feel sleep deprived, inadequate, and completely paranoid. So without further ado, here are my top 5 tips for surviving a zone defense. It’s not man on man anymore…
1. Continuously remind yourself that you are responsible for three people (other than yourself).
Sometimes you need a little reality check. Usually that reality check comes every .25 seconds when my kids whine the word, “Mommy” (or “Mom” if you have a too cool 7 year old) even though I am the only adult in a 2 mile radius. But then sometimes you really forget you have three kids. It’s usually brief, but there’s always that moment of “holy shit! they are all mine!” that you have to get over. Never gets old.
2. If things are going smoothly, you’re probably doing something wrong. Or you lost a kid.
But seriously, there have been so many times over this past year where I thought, “Oooo…. silence. Ahhhh.” and then the 5 seconds later I realized that wasn’t a good thing. Kids do stupid things, because they are kids and it’s your job to discover them. The biggest challenge is NOT LAUGHING and having to pretend you are pissed off. Like the time when the people at the Y asked you if used the term “pissed off” a lot. Yeah, we are so winning at this parenting thing.
3. Accept that sometimes, dessert can be dinner. And so can breakfast.
Sometimes food shopping doesn’t happen and all you have in your fridge is something completely unhealthy. Which is a lesser evil? Eating crap or not eating at all?
4. Sleep is for the weak. Also, not sleeping makes you bitchy. And that’s really not advice. Just reality. But you want some advice? Coffee.
Coffee is how I’ve survived — hell, how I’m still surviving. I’m so thankful for coffee (and wine).
5. Remember that even in the most challenging times, your kids are going to become teenagers and it’s going to eclipse anything you ever considered “hard.”